Warning: Cannot Un-Read

So. Two things I’ve noticed.

1. I haven’t posted to this thing in a WHILE.
2. My status for the past few days has been “death by anal defibrillation”.

While #2 would make an awesome album cover, there is a large story behind that phrase that I can’t entirely take credit for. What I decided to do instead is to provide a narrative approach to reeling everyone in on the inside joke. I’m going to attempt to make it as brief as possible without leaving out all the good details.

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In the Catskill mountains of upstate New York, there resides a small community college. No, you haven’t heard of it. What was peculiar about it, however, is that it sat on top of a vortex that had deep connections to a realm inhabited by fey. These creatures seemed to have leaked into our realm; stealthy brownies and goblins had taken a liking to the sugar stock in the cafeteria, much to the bewilderment of the kitchen staff.

On one dark and stormy night, a particularly powerful flash of lightning and peal of thunder awoke a few distinct individuals; unbeknownst to them, their entire vicinity had been teleported back into the fey realm.

It did not take long, however, for them to notice the strange creatures prowling the campus. After taking refuge in the school library, yours truly decided that if the group had entered a different realm filled with magical creatures only found in folktales, perhaps this granted them the same power. An attempt to ward the building proved to be a lucrative activity; carving warding glyphs into the doors and windows awakened the magical latency within the new adventurers.

After a time, it became clear that something, or someone, could tell that the party was an unfamiliar anomaly. Traversing the field to get supplies from other buildings was the first difficult task, but the first of many battles that would show how well these people could work together as a team.

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So now you have a little bit of context. The party is in their first battle on the campus field with an array of fey goblins. One thing you have to know about fey is that they have an aversion to cold steel; it is their primary weakness.

I, of course, was the mage of the party; I stayed in the back ranks and lobbed spells in whatever direction was the most opportune. Another member was a little more technically and creatively resourceful; using socks and steel filings from a lawnmower in the library’s garage, he had basically made fey grenades. He also had the ability to cast Grease, which heavily lubricated any area he could concentrate on. Since these goblins were rushing the party, not only did he grease their running path, he threw his “steel shavings” grenade onto the grease as well.

So you can guess what happened next. These goblins fall on their ass, all the while getting pierced with these steel shavings. This, however, did not kill them.

For the coup de grace, I finished a handful of them off with a lightning spell.

Death by anal defibrillation.

Try to get that image out of your head.