The VP of the company is not my direct supervisor, but he's pretty much my boss. The good thing is, he's a great guy. Last week, he lost his sister to breast cancer. The most happy-go-lucky man I know came into our office nearly in tears to give us this news, and my heart sank because of it. It's bad enough that my fiancée's father is dying of lung cancer.
I decided to get him a sympathy card to be passed around our office. I knew everyone would sign it. I don't care whether or not he thought it was from me, but I'm guessing that the telltale sign would be the handwriting on the envelope.
Anyway, one of the other supervisors sent out an email encouraging the staff to leave early today to attend the wake. Being the godless heathen that I am, I opted out and stayed at the office for the remainder of my shift. I made sure that the card traveled with someone who did decide to go.
So here's the point of discussion... was I justified in not going to the wake? If you are an atheist or you are not religious, even if the wake/funeral was for a loved one, would you still go?
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A wake has nothing to do with religion. (Well, sometimes they do have a priest come in to say a prayer ... at which time an atheist could leave the room I suppose.) Some see it as a final good-bye to the diseased (which doesn't make sense to me), but for the most part it is to pay respect/offer condolences to the family. If you're uncomfortable with going to a wake because of the body in the coffin, that's one thing. However, not going because of religious beliefs/non beliefs isn't really an acceptable excuse in my eyes.
ReplyDeleteIn this situation, I would say that because you did not attend the wake, you should go to the funeral. You DO NOT have to attend the Mass. Typically, there is a short period of time before the funeral procession (to the church) begins that you can go in and offer your condolences to the family. It is appropriate to kneel in front of the deceased and say a prayer, however, an atheist could just kneel there and take a few quiet moments to send positive/healing thoughts/energy to the grieving family. You can then quickly go through and offer your condolences, then leave before the funeral procession begins.
If they have a graveside service after the Mass, you could attend that.
People pray, that's what they do at most funerals, you don't have to pray with them, they'll never know you're not praying. However, they will know whether or not you showed up to support them. Actions speak louder than words.
I agree that the wake is not necessarily religious (although if it is a Catholic wake there is usually a priest and some prayers said). It is more of a show of support for the grieving family. If I was close to the deceased or someone in the family, I usually go, but do not participate in the prayers. Of course, I don't make a big display of my atheism, I am just quiet, or if the timing appropriate may choose to leave when they are starting prayers. In any case, I do nothing to call attention to myself and my lack of belief out of respect for the family. Also, if I was close to the deceased or the family and can't make the wake, I will usually go to the funeral, even though it is typically a religious ceremony, again out of support for the family.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the family still needs support after the wake/ funeral. Being a friend to him, asking him if there is anything he needs, listening if he wants to talk, bringing over a cooked meal - all of these are ways that you can continue to show support.